Friday, October 24th, 2003
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6:05 pm
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Thursday, October 23rd, 2003
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11:15 am
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it's making me sad how you just, don't get to experience autumn in the city. i feel like i'm missing out. even last fall when i was miserable at ursinus, i had that gorgeous fire red tree right outside my window and it like, kept me going every day. i need to go spend more time around trees.
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(1 random thoughts and dumb dream | sugar in your gas tank)
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Wednesday, October 15th, 2003
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11:40 pm
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i'm so anxious for no doubt to tour again. i really hope they do i'm like, watching lots of live videos and starting to get a craving. i thought maybe i'd finally had enough after hammerstein cause that was like, the total zenith. but nope, i want more.
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(sugar in your gas tank)
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Tuesday, October 14th, 2003
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3:43 pm
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nothing makes me angrier than how everyone and their mother becomes a devoted yankees fan when they are in the playoffs, when they couldn't care less throughout the season. i'm sure it's like that with every home team, but this is what i see. people are fucking hypocrites and assholes.
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(5 random thoughts and dumb dreams | sugar in your gas tank)
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Friday, September 26th, 2003
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1:37 am
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Sunday, September 14th, 2003
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2:04 am
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Wednesday, September 10th, 2003
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12:46 am
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Saturday, September 6th, 2003
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11:03 am
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this is what my little italian landlord says about keith, in his very broken english:
"how is that boy? you see him still? yes? he is good boy! you listen to me! i can tell. that boy is a good boy! i can tell by the way he smile. don't let go. you hear me? hold on to him. good boy is hard to find, you know? if you marry that boy, you a very lucky girl."
he says stuff like this all the time, and i'm just like. yes. okay. mmhmm. and this morning i was picturing the scenario of me trying to explain to him, when in reality, i can't even explain to him why the shower is leaking.
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(4 random thoughts and dumb dreams | sugar in your gas tank)
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Saturday, August 30th, 2003
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1:32 am
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when i hear certain songs from the 60's, and i automatically picture my parents as young kids.. like, not just picture them, but feel like i can really see them and feel them in that time.. even though the song has no specific association.. i am then convinced i have lived past lives.
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(2 random thoughts and dumb dreams | sugar in your gas tank)
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Wednesday, August 27th, 2003
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4:06 pm
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mark and danielle's baby was born early this morning. they named him hayden peter. this means that, as of today, my family has begun a brand new generation. one that i'm not part of, and in reality, i'm no longer the "young" generation. which makes sense, i guess. we're not really "young" anymore. i wonder what this generation will be like. i feel like i had the tail end of the last of something great. all of my cousins and i living in close vicinity, seeing each other often. sunday dinner's at my grandma's, when she would have to pull the kitchen table out from the wall and put a dishtowel on the radiator so there was room for all of us to sit. she would have become a great grandma today and, as she would have been only 72 years old, should be here to see it. we've all grown up so scattered, scattered in distance, scattered in age. our kids won't be close. not like we once were. i feel like this baby will always make me think of such things. even though, sadly, i'll probably only see him as rarely as i do my other cousins nowadays.
i keep thinking how we found out danielle was pregnant the day before i moved to philly. and now, there's a baby. what better indicator than that to put into perspective how quickly time passes? and how quickly things move along and change.
current mood:  thoughtful
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(7 random thoughts and dumb dreams | sugar in your gas tank)
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Friday, August 22nd, 2003
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9:51 pm - endings
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i think i'm searching for some official ending to my summer. because i'm so used to having one, all clear and distinct. this year however, the lines between everything have become so much more blurred- and going back to school simply won't cut it. katy said something recently, about how she realized that what with moving out and everything, this was very likely the final summer of her childhood. and i realized that last summer was the final one of mine. except, things took turns i hadn't expected, and i didn't know while it was happening that like, "oh, this is it." she's lucky she has been able to see that coming. i wish i had known, and been able to relish it more.
however, i guess that means that this was maybe semi-officially my first adult summer. i don't feel like an adult. but i don't feel like a child anymore either. and i'm still looking for summer to end with that same bittersweetness that it does when you're younger, when you're outside every night and able to clearly notice the days getting shorter. it'll feel so strange without that turning point that i always was able to find somehow.
current mood:  restless
current music: "drive you home" garbage
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(4 random thoughts and dumb dreams | sugar in your gas tank)
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Tuesday, August 12th, 2003
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12:17 am - my mental rape of a horoscope found in the philly weekly a few weeks ago:
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"it's time once again to evaluate the quality of your emotional pain, aquarius. every year, i ask you to take inventory, to determine how you're progressing in your efforts to cultivate useful suffering and avoid the useless stuff. so how have you been doing since the last time we checked in july 2002? are you getting better at steering clear of boring torments you've repeated a thousand times before? have you made yourself less susceptible to being hurt by ignorant, careless people? are you able to quickly shake off the effects of relatively trivial trouble? do you find yourself drawn to fascinating angst that compels you to become smarter and more resourceful?"
how dare.
current mood:  weird
current music: "honey and the moon" joseph arthur
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(2 random thoughts and dumb dreams | sugar in your gas tank)
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Wednesday, July 30th, 2003
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3:18 am
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on my roof at 2:30 am, life feels perfect. it really does.
current mood: ready for bed
current music: 'run baby run' sheryl crow
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(sugar in your gas tank)
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Monday, July 28th, 2003
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12:38 pm
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i just listened to 'king of wishful thinking' by go west, and i think that seeing pretty woman for the first time when i was really little, the scene in the opening credits when that song is playing and it pans over the hills and the hollywood sign.. something about that scene combined with the song.. i dunno. but i'm pretty sure that was the beginning of my infatuation with hollywood and such a strong desire to go there that never went away. that's funny. i had never thought of pretty woman as capable of such influence.
current mood: needs a shower right now
current music: king of wishful thinking
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(sugar in your gas tank)
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1:35 am
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tonight, we snuck into a fancy hotel and swam in the pool. it was divine.
current mood: falling asleep
current music: "best of me" the starting line
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(sugar in your gas tank)
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Saturday, July 26th, 2003
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4:54 pm
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keith and i just got back from the pool. i swam and it felt really nice. i think i got too much sun though because my eyes are tired. i swear i am going to be one of those old ladies with those huge hysterical sunglasses and always walking in the sun with an enormous umbrella. i really do hate the sun.
i was thinking as we were driving out, how i really have no emotional ties whatsoever left to that place. it's so strange. i never in a million years thought that would happen. especially not so fast. i guess maybe we underestimate ourselves in terms of ability to grow up and change. i do.
i'm talking to jessica. and she truly is the most eccentric person i have ever known in my life. she really does exist in her own world and according to her own bizarre set of rules, yet she may be one of the only people who NEVER even comes close to pissing me off. today she was telling me how she's thinking about marrying a venezuelan guy so he can get his green card and she can get money. she said it's a good business deal. i really hope everything works out and she can move in with me.
current mood: woozy
current music: "too much" spice girls
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(sugar in your gas tank)
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Friday, July 25th, 2003
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10:34 pm - july is dressed up and playing her tune
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on pismo beach one of the first nights in california, there was a sunset with very visibly every color of the rainbow in it, including pink. it was the most beautiful sunset i have ever seen, and i realized it was the first time i ever watched the sun set over the ocean. i had never pondered how that's an impossibility on the east coast. that made it even more amazing.
i'm ready to go back to philly now. i wasn't this morning but, for some reason i am now.
current mood: restless
current music: "summer breeze" seals & croft
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(sugar in your gas tank)
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Wednesday, July 23rd, 2003
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5:57 pm
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sometimes, when i see the actual date written on paper, it hits me full force how much time has gone by. and i can't help but wonder how it got to be that 2003 is half over already and where has it all gone? i'm twenty years old, and although i reached that age with much less fear of it than i'd been envisioning as it all approached, i can't help but feel that i have nothing to show for myself other than my acute and intricately developed ability to both run away from things, and to convince myself that because i can admit it, that makes it all okay..
current mood: thoughtful
current music: "closer to you" the wallflowers
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(4 random thoughts and dumb dreams | sugar in your gas tank)
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Monday, July 21st, 2003
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3:56 pm - i fell for a stranger
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Tuesday, July 8th, 2003
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9:17 pm
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angry